When your baby is going through the things that Aili has, you just kinda push your feelings to the side and stay strong so your baby can. When Aili is in the hospital I don't feel panicked, because I trust the doctors and nurses and because I need to stay strong for everyone.
Then months later I think about it. It's all I can think about. Nights like tonight are when I feel panicked. I panic about what could have happened and what has happened to many other families. I grieve for those families. I am thankful for my baby. These nights are when I want to break down & cry. I can't help but think about what she looked like, how she couldn't do anything, what she must have felt & thought.
So although Aili is doing great I still worry. She is my baby and I love her. We can always use the prayers of friends, family & strangers and so can so many other families dealing with the same issues.